November 10th

There he was, telling me how his parents raised them. They were seven, he and his siblings, and he told me that because of that bond, kinship, he can never say no to any of them, even if it means that he won't have anything for himself. I found myself weeping, not because of sadness, but because of the realization that I am in love with this wonderful person and he doesn't know his wonderfulness because it has been implanted in him such that what's unusually good for me is normal for him. I wept because I can never be like him and yet he's there, also in love with me and seeing the good in me.

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Now playing: Anne of September - Someone Like You

On the relationship status change: From single to a relationship

To be honest, this feels different compared to the last one. I mean, I wasn't really expecting to engage in yet another office love thingy. When I said that I wasn't traumatized, I was lying. Because I was traumatized. Vow-to-never-love-again-ever-bury-yourself-in-work kind of trauma. I felt like I was in a circus and when I failed to do the tricks, everyone started gawking and laughing and saying "I told you so". And nothing's worse in the world than hearing "I told you so" from the people who never told you anything. Anything. Like "he doesn't seem to like you that much, get away from him ASAP" or "he's a douche, don't you see that?". This time feels different because for some reason, I feel like I'm receiving a blessing from everyone (or at least from the people that mattered to me). Like they approve. Like I have a lot of people who's got my back. And then I have this wonderful man. Not a boy, a man, in every sense. And this will sound so cliche, but I feel his genuine affection slash appreciation for me. The bottom line of this, really, is that it feels fucking fabulous to be loved for who I am and not for who I am envisioned to be.

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Now playing: James Morrison - I Won't Let You Go

When reality meets expectations:

Well, I never really expected this to happen. But I guess it did. And by it I'm pertaining to this thing (a thing, no labels yet) between us. I was resolved to file it under "Yet Another Schoolgirl Crush" but surprise, surprise: You like me too! And I wasn't prepared for it because, well, I'm the type of person who's always prepared for the worst and not for the best. I still can't seem to point out my feelings exactly. But yes, I do like you and the possibility of us being together makes my heart go a little faster and my smiles a little bit bigger. But before I dive into this, an establishment should and must occur. Because frankly, I don't think that I'm ready for a relationship. I mean, I can be in a relationship but I don't have the patience to make it last. And the possibilities for us are just too wonderful to just let it slip because of lack of communication and/or establishment and/or steps needed for a relationship to work. So. Dear hypothalamus, calm down and get your shit together. This time, I want to do it right; "slowly but surely" is our mantra.

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Now playing: James Morrison - You Give Me Something

An Unemotional Emotional Breakdown

So... we got robbed. Weirdly, I didn't have anything stolen. I mean, my jewelry box (full of cheap necklaces, earrings and bracelets) and ODM watch were stolen, but I surely won't miss them (except for the rose ring from my dad). It's a different story for my mom and little sister, though. Bunso lost her laptop, kikay kit (weirdly, they didn't take mine) and wallet which contains her yearbook payment and one week allowance. Mom also lost her laptop and pencil case with 2 flash drives with all her life documents in it. And today, I woke up and saw my mom crying. CRYING. Lately she has been so emotional that the emotional me has been forced to calm down and man up. Because when you see your mom falling apart, you won't have time to fall apart yourself. Because at least one person has to act all brave and strong. And it has to be me. I mean, no one's asking me to take that responsibility, but I feel that I have to take it. Because no one else will, no one else should. So yes, I have temporarily stashed my emotions somewhere far, far away. When will they come back, or would I ever want them back, I do not know.

Also, in times like these, I got to know who really cares. But as of the moment, frankly, I do not care who cares.

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Now playing: Pearl Jam - Even Flow