The Giraffe Who's A Failure

Disappointing everyone on an everyday basis.
Grasping on straws; one's hands are charged north and the straws are charged south.
Breaking out in tears or just simply going full angry-retarded on everyone.
Trying to fit in but failing.
Pretending but failing.
Lying but failing.

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Now playing: Silence

Recap. (Or why I'm smiling on a Monday)

I brought le boyfriend to our family reunion. And it's the first time since forever that I brought someone. He participated in the family's Amazing Race thingy and won it for us. He made my grandma laugh.

We ate bad shrimp on the event so I had a mild case of food poisoning. He heard me pooing and puking so he laid me down and spooned me while rubbing my tummy while whispering "You can do it, you can do it."

dkshfbkdsabfjashdjkfhekrfds. You have no idea how my heart soars because of him. And me trying to put that feeling into words is just laughable. Because it's simply not possible.

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Now playing: Laura Pergolizzi - Tokyo Sunrise

I Have A Feeling

I'm not angry, really. No. I'm simply scared. For my heart. Because I feel like it's about to be broken again. Because I have been in there. I have lost something, someone and it fucking hurts because unlike  being hungry or thirsty, this has no immediate remedy. Once you have your heart broken, it's broken, it's scarred for life. And see, I know that those scars are beautiful in that they're proof that I have loved, but see, the scars make me crumble and want to just close up. Because it frickin' hurts. So yes, I don't want to have it broken again. And I'm not really in the right mind or state of emotion to be talking about, well, emotions, but I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, about to fall, without no one to catch me. Because I have nagged and clung him into possibly unloving me. And I can't help it because that's who I am. And I have tried to unhinge and to not talk and pretend not to care but pretending is too exhausting, especially when he's breaking down my walls.

I hate being me.

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Now playing: Grey's Anatomy Season 6 OST

Things To Remember On Our Bad Days

I
We were lying in bed and you kissed me -- a smack on the lips, lousy really. But then you proceeded to explain that that was how our first kiss went. And then you kissed me gently, clumsily. My heart soared because you remembered, because no one usually remembered, because the call of flesh is rarely retained.

II
The look that you gave me when I gave out a gasp while reading David Levithan's Everyday -- I do not know how to read it, but it seems to me like astonishment at how easily I react to the things around me. I do not know what that look meant but I kind of like the fact that there is still something new that we can throw at each other.

III
When I asked you if I'm bossy, you immediately answered yes. Yes, without judgement. Yes, with resignation that yes, I am bossy, but nevertheless, you love me.

IV
The way we manage to play Candy Crush without killing each other because I randomly swipe at striped candies out of impatience -- candies, with which you were so meticulously plotting to be exploded by those chocolate ones. Yes, candies. Small things do matter.

V
Argo.

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Now playing: Foster the People - Call It What You Want