The oldies weren't kidding when they tell us that marriage is not for the faint of heart or "Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi parang kanin na mainit na basta mo na lamang iluluwa kapag napaso ka".
We haven't even begun or married life and here we are, already fighting our asses off. Maybe because things are a lot more complicated. Because there's a baby on the way. Because our families' values are worlds apart. Because we can't seem to get on the same line, same train of thought -- which is a wonder because before all of this chaos happened, we were always on the same line; we can finish each other's sentence. What the hell happened?
Honesty is cruel, but here's me being honest: I regret not using any form of birth control. Because frankly, I'm not ready to be a mother. I am too selfish to be one at this point. And I fear that this selfishness will lead my child astray. And I do not want that, because screwing up my own life is one thing, but screwing up this precious, innocent one's life is another, because he/she does not deserve it. So here I am, trying to be brave, strong, and all those adjectives that one needs to muster to be able to wake up everyday without having the need to blow their heads into smithereens.
And now, here we are, still trying to mash together, to please our families who seem to grow up from two very, very different worlds. It's like a war. And I'm the middle of it. And I don't have a gun. But I have to fight. And all I have is this comrade who's also confused and torn between the two fighting parties.
How did this get so messy? So telenovela-like?
If I have to do it alone, I'd do it. Just so I won't have to impose anything on anyone and burden them with my being. Just so I won't be disappointed when he fails to fulfill the needs of a soon-to-be father. Just so I don't hurt anyone. Anyone, but myself. Because it's easier to forgive me hurting me, than to forgive me hurting someone else. Especially when that someone else is the one that I love the most.
Now playing: The Weepies
