On the relationship status change: From single to a relationship

To be honest, this feels different compared to the last one. I mean, I wasn't really expecting to engage in yet another office love thingy. When I said that I wasn't traumatized, I was lying. Because I was traumatized. Vow-to-never-love-again-ever-bury-yourself-in-work kind of trauma. I felt like I was in a circus and when I failed to do the tricks, everyone started gawking and laughing and saying "I told you so". And nothing's worse in the world than hearing "I told you so" from the people who never told you anything. Anything. Like "he doesn't seem to like you that much, get away from him ASAP" or "he's a douche, don't you see that?". This time feels different because for some reason, I feel like I'm receiving a blessing from everyone (or at least from the people that mattered to me). Like they approve. Like I have a lot of people who's got my back. And then I have this wonderful man. Not a boy, a man, in every sense. And this will sound so cliche, but I feel his genuine affection slash appreciation for me. The bottom line of this, really, is that it feels fucking fabulous to be loved for who I am and not for who I am envisioned to be.

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Now playing: James Morrison - I Won't Let You Go

When reality meets expectations:

Well, I never really expected this to happen. But I guess it did. And by it I'm pertaining to this thing (a thing, no labels yet) between us. I was resolved to file it under "Yet Another Schoolgirl Crush" but surprise, surprise: You like me too! And I wasn't prepared for it because, well, I'm the type of person who's always prepared for the worst and not for the best. I still can't seem to point out my feelings exactly. But yes, I do like you and the possibility of us being together makes my heart go a little faster and my smiles a little bit bigger. But before I dive into this, an establishment should and must occur. Because frankly, I don't think that I'm ready for a relationship. I mean, I can be in a relationship but I don't have the patience to make it last. And the possibilities for us are just too wonderful to just let it slip because of lack of communication and/or establishment and/or steps needed for a relationship to work. So. Dear hypothalamus, calm down and get your shit together. This time, I want to do it right; "slowly but surely" is our mantra.

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Now playing: James Morrison - You Give Me Something

An Unemotional Emotional Breakdown

So... we got robbed. Weirdly, I didn't have anything stolen. I mean, my jewelry box (full of cheap necklaces, earrings and bracelets) and ODM watch were stolen, but I surely won't miss them (except for the rose ring from my dad). It's a different story for my mom and little sister, though. Bunso lost her laptop, kikay kit (weirdly, they didn't take mine) and wallet which contains her yearbook payment and one week allowance. Mom also lost her laptop and pencil case with 2 flash drives with all her life documents in it. And today, I woke up and saw my mom crying. CRYING. Lately she has been so emotional that the emotional me has been forced to calm down and man up. Because when you see your mom falling apart, you won't have time to fall apart yourself. Because at least one person has to act all brave and strong. And it has to be me. I mean, no one's asking me to take that responsibility, but I feel that I have to take it. Because no one else will, no one else should. So yes, I have temporarily stashed my emotions somewhere far, far away. When will they come back, or would I ever want them back, I do not know.

Also, in times like these, I got to know who really cares. But as of the moment, frankly, I do not care who cares.

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Now playing: Pearl Jam - Even Flow

[Untitled]

Kung papayagan mo lang silang makapasok sa buhay mo, malalaman mong hindi naman talaga malungkot ang mundo. Kung magbibigay ka lang ng kahit kaunting puwang, malalaman mong may gustong pumuno sa kung anumang kakulangang hinahanap mo. Kung bubuksan mo lang ang mga mata mo -- tunay na bubuksan at hindi basta imumulat lang -- makikita mong may marunong pa ring magmalasakit at magbigay nang walang hinihinging kapalit. Maniwala ka sa kabutihan ng tao. Maniwala ka na may nakakarinig ng panalangin mo. Maniwala ka na ang bawat hininga mo ay hindi lamang basta hanging gamit na at walang saysay. Maniwala ka na may magbabago, lalo na kung gugustuhin at aaksyunan mo. Maniwala ka sa sarili mo.